I'm not so sure of my role in our family anymore. It appears that I'm now the antagonistic, black sheep who goes against his mother's wishes. Personally, the weight of such title feels heavy. It's as if all the pounds I lost from south beach diet were invisibly hanging on my shoulders.
Issue # 1
Is it bad if I "react negatively" to jokes/ hirits which I think are offensive?
i.e.
Me: "Kamusta yung trip ninyo?"
Mother: "Ayun kumpleto sila, ako mag-isa, wala kasi kayo, sumama ka kung gusto mo malaman."
I wasn't asking for that. I hate those kinds of "parinig". If you have a problem, tell it to me directly, I never appreciate subtle hints. I find such "hirits" indecent and offensive.
In short, I'm irritated because my mother is so offensive and "pilosopo" all at the same time. I admit, I myself is "pilosopo", but in no way am I offensive.
I don't know if I can handle that kind of attitude, but I'm trying my best. However, sometimes, I just can't hold myself. Sometimes, I answer back with more devastating hirits to shut her up.
T
hus, I answered above:
Me: "Hindi mangyayare yon kahit kelan" [referring to me, going out to travels with her]
I don't mean that, but I'm so irritated with the comment I can't hold myself any longer but retort. ugh.
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Issue # 2
My brother and I are not in speaking terms. We haven't spoken to each other for more that 9 months, or almost a year now. I'm not exactly sure why, but I don't find any reason to speak to him, and him probably the same.
However, I think there are deeper issues. But regardless, he got into an accident just a while ago, 4am, in Mindanao Avenue - a wrecked car crash. Guess what, I didn't feel anything. I guess over the months, I've made my brother a stranger.
I don't know how to resolve this. I have no intention to speak to him, primarily because I've decided that my relationship to my brother will remain objective. It’s not that hard for me. If I don't need anything from him, I shouldn't care. Why?
Because he left me alone. He changed, and for the worst. He joined frats, and he's been a burden to my mother every since. Everyday, my mother vented out on me about it, and I guess I developed this hatred partly due to my Mother.
One time, he threatened to kill me, he cut the strings of my guitar, he fucking destroyed cds, ripped off my books, and he always got what I wanted and my mother always consented. He abused me as a kid by punching me in the face, making me eat gallons of ice cream, etc.
THUS, I vowed NEVER to react negatively. But instead, to become passive towards my brother as he never ever contributed any good.
Thus, the only reason why I'd talk to my brother is:
(1) If he becomes successful in handling the business
(2) Become a solution rather than a problem
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I don’t know, but am I becoming evil? I’m trying my best to reflect ...
