And I'm still awake. Not because I'm not tired (coz I am tired), but because I have this recent freedom from quizzes that enables me not to study/rest whenever I'm at home. 

HOWEVER, because of this NEW FREEDOM, I find myself playing and isolating myself more. WTF right. I think I should be trying to find more "social relationship stuff" events. Not necessarily to have romantic escapades but to meet people and socialize so that I could build on my social capital even more. Right now, I'm stuck in front of the PC, doing nothing but Ragnarok. Very unproductive.

Orayt. I guess next week will be a start. Next week, off to Ms. Pia's house ... hopefully she matches me up with someone. lol. But seriously, she's a "love expert" in many aspects. Hopefully I get to "socialize" then. As much as I want to invite people, the invitations are already closed. :D It's gonna be a Hotel thing I think in Astoria Plaza in Ortigas. "FOR FREE!" I just love these kinds of events. 

For my friends who are reading this (though I know who you guys are lol), labas tayo next week! Charmie sensya kung "haha" yung sagot ko sayo sa movie invite mo, actually muscle memory ko lang yun, parang yung madalang kong smiley before sa IM, doesn't really mean anything. SO anyway, if free ka, game! labas tayo! or whoever, who knows baka man-libre ako (mwahaha) kasi bday ko sa 25. (hell yea!) Ryt? Settled? Anyway, that's that.

On to "MORE PRESSING MATTERS," I hate to admit it but I failed to achieve my objective for our Yearbook. Fuck. But owell, we're going to manage. Maybe there's a better plan for it. Thanks to Patrick (special mention), I personally would not embark on this suicidal mission if not for his "pressing matters" scheme. 

=============================================================================

a converstaion with a friend triggered something. She told me "iba ka rin a, wala ka ring effort sa ..."

mm something to think about. maybe I'm not really giving effort, I suck at that part of my life. Damn it. lol. I think I need the stifmeister. 

That's it. :D

I was struck.

Today, we had a 360 Leadership Training Seminar by Anthony Pangilinan. In one of the segments of the program, we were asked to write a letter to ANYONE in the room at that particular moment.

I wrote to one of our facilitators because I was STRUCK that she texted me when I was late. For the whole duration of the program, NO ONE bothered to call my attention even if I have increasing tardiness. So I thank her for personally reminding me to be prompt.

That's what this program needs, a MORE PERSONAL approach unlike what's happening right now ... very distant as if we're separated from DBP.

Then, SOMEONE gave me a letter which STRUCK ME EVEN MORE.

I can't believe what I was reading. I mean, wow, shocking. What she wrote was very sincere and touching. Thanks.

Imagine someone seeing herself in you, wanting her children to be like you in the future, and welcoming you in her home anytime. Wow right? It's one of the best feelings. IN fairness, I also look up to that person. Just to be clear, we're not attracted romantically to each other, but beyond. It's what I call RESPECT and RECOGNITION.

I rarely RARELY get genuine respect and recognition. I sometimes think that I'm someone who has no value, who's not good, who's not worth to be a leader. But to be recognized. Wow. I don't know if she just wrote it well but it really struck me. Thanks. You know who you are, and you influenced me in a positive way

After all, that's what men want, RESPECT. I just didn't expect someone would see what I'm trying to hide by acting "sabog" all the time ... anyway that's for you to find out ... as she did. Godbless.

And I'm not yet Sleepy.

This nostalgic feeling of aloneness is haunting me.

Thing is, I have lots of plans already stuck behind my head.

Laptop/PC->CAR->House and Lot+Investments in Securities. etc.

But I don't know why the hell I'm doing these things. I just wish I can live somewhere in the mountains, away from stress. I believe I can become a pretty good hunter naman. hahaha. So I'll hunt chicken's and pabos behind trees.

Damn. Work again. I need to put on the poker face. That pretentious attitude. That unnatural self that I've become.

Who am I really? Is it just the name? Is it just the appearance or characteristics? What the hell is my purpose? I guess I need to think, and fast.

 

During my solitary weekend here in Pampanga, I discovered something ... It's like a puzzle piece being finally placed where it should belong. It's that feeling of "sa wakas, pucha." It's a hint of what I really want to do for the rest of my life. Heavy huh? I guess some call it "passion." But me, I want to initially call it "a crazy delusion just because I don't want to stay in a bank forever."

Right now, I'm lazily sitting in front of my laptop trying to organize my thoughts into one coherent blog post so that people like you would understand what I'm writing ... that's the whole point of blogs anyway. 

To give you an idea of where I am, I'm in a usual open cultured office, no barriers, no chance to hide whatever you're doing. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. So unless you want to read a thousand-word description of our office here, just look at the picture below to get a better ... "picture."

To the right of that door you're seeing just beside the Alenaire Aircon is the office of the legal counsel where the lawyers of DBP stay to work. I could've shot a picture of the lawyer's office itself but I was afraid of being sued. haha. Anyway, EVERYTIME the lawyer goes out of her hell hole, she commands some kind of authority that I couldn't quite figure. All I know is that everyone will follow her should she demand something from anyone you're seeing in the picture.

Then it dawned to me. "What if I took that UP LAE test seriously? What if I didn't doze off during LAE at the middle of the exam ... Well, I hope there's no saliva in my test paper. lol. What if didn't drank like there's no tomorrow the day before my exams"

That's when I realized, "I want to become a lawyer." I want to have that mastery, that authority, to command and to do good. I want to specialize in "justice" so to speak.

Being diligent when it comes to my interests, I researched a bit about thoughts regarding a lawyer's life "how would you know if you're fit to become one, how would you know if you want to become a layer, etc."

I particularly liked a description coming from some state university from abroad. That is

"To know the law is to know the workings of society"

Well, it makes sense. After all, life is a game and in every game there are rules and regulations. HOW can you play the game if you don't know the rules? BUT if you know the rules well, you're bound to use them either for your advantage or for your advantage (cmon, let's be honest. lol.)

As for me, I realized I want to become a lawyer because there's some hole in my heart that's telling me that I'm going to sulk forever if I don't try. Basically, that's the first basic reason. Curosity as scientists call it. However, I also wanted to become a lawyer because I believe it's the best way I can become to be able to serve. I can't imagine myself to become an actor. I can't imagine myself becoming a drug lord. But I can imagine myself as a lawyer serving my countrymen. I know I'm a good speaker, I know I have many things to improve on as well, and I want to dedicate my voice and my eyes in law, a lawyer and a banker, that's what I'm going to become. Some thug.

I also researched on the life of a lawyer AFTER law. I found out something that stopped the show. A Show Stopper.

"If you're someone who wants to have enough time for family, for leisure and work, law might not be for you"

This sucks. I'm someone who wants time for everything. If I won't be able to have time for my family, I'm committing injustice right at my future house and against my future family.

Some crazy dilemma I have. For family, or for people I will be defending who I don't even know or won't get the chance to know. What the hell. Difficult choice. Hard Decision.